雅思作文批改评析-东莞雅思培训之雅思作文批改评析

摘要：今天， 东莞英凯教育（环球雅思分校）的老师来为大家展示一下雅思作文的批改评析，希望大家能够以小见大，举一反三到自己的雅思作文写作当中。

　　今天，东莞英凯教育（环球雅思分校）为各位雅思考生展示一下雅思作文的批改评析，希望大家能够以小见大，举一反三到自己的雅思作文写作当中。以下便是东莞英凯教育（环球雅思分校）为各位雅思考生带来的雅思作文批改评析 ，希望可以帮助广大雅思考生轻松备考雅思 。更多雅思备考 信息，请关注东莞英凯教育 （环球雅思分校）。

　　作文点评

　　Facing many international pollution issues such as the energy shortage and global warming, some people believe that individuals have limited abilities to deal with that issue, compared with the nations and society.

　　To what extent do you agree or disagree?

　　第一段太啰嗦，浪费了很多字数

　　An increasing amount of 后面才可以用不可数名词

　　行文表达太过口语化

　　With rapidlyrapideconomic development, an increasing numberamountof pollution that has international impacts has arousedmotivatedpeople to pay more attention to environmentalprotection. People excessively exploit the natural resources due to the big gap between economic development demand and natural sourcesupply. I am amazed when I heared(this is too informal) Some people sayingthat individuals have no contribution to maketo cope with international pollution. As for me, In my opinion, nothing is further from the truth than this view.

　　第二段论证不充分，把浪费在第一段的语句用在充分论证第一个分论点

　　写作中不可用缩写

　　In the first place, everyone can help to reduce pollution and do their bit for the environment. In other words, if every individual has the sense of environmentalprotection, we can make a great contribution to environment protection(don’t repeat nouns like this)protecting itand controllingpollution (this has been changed to make it a gerund and therefore parallel with ‘protecting it’)control. For example, turning lights off whenyou’reyou are(don’t abbreviate)not in the room can save a lot of energy. Notleaving televisions, stereos and computers on standby with the little red light, even though they might look like they areturned off. Don’t look down on these actions.(this last phrase is too informal).

　　第三段只写了政府的责任，没有继续写个人的责任。

　　In theSecondly place, environmentalprotection needs everyonesattention. Agreen environment is the system which is runmade possibleby two important links- governmentsand citizens. Governments aretaking major steps in environmentalprotection, such as introducing strict emission norms, penaltiesfor industries which wouldcross emission limits, andstrict automotive regulation. But all these efforts wouldwill fail if we don’t cooperate with governments. If one link is active but the other link is inactive then the whole system cannot run properly. Both have to work together for anefficient system.

　　act as a cardinal link 表达太抽象

　　Above all, a conclusion can be madeIt can be concludedthat everyone should take responsibility for environmentalprotection. Thus, I am firmly convinced that we are an important part of the link. If you understand this you can act as acardinal link(not sure what you are saying here?).

　　以上就是东莞英凯教育（环球雅思分校）为各位雅思考生带来的雅思作文批改，预祝雅思考生们考出理想的成绩！如需了解更多雅思学习的相关信息，欢迎拨打东莞英凯教育（环球雅思分校）的免费咨询热线0769-21682008进行咨询，或者点击东莞英凯教育（环球雅思分校）官方网站页面的“在线咨询”与名师直接对话。雅思学习网站，请关注东莞英凯教育（环球雅思分校）。